Curiosity...

One fun thing to think about is 'what will our baby look like?' I always wonder that, even when I think about adoption. I saw these pics in an old album, and had to share. The top pictures show me and Zac with our big sisters, and the bottom shows us in high chairs eating. I was a mess! LOL! I love wondering and imagining what our little one will look like.... :)

"Beautiful" & "A+"

Note-I love science and medicine and health stuff, and this whole process really interests me, so excuse me if I go into too much detail. This blog is also for me to look back on one day, so I just don't want to leave anything out. :) Hope it's not TMI!
This morning I had my mid-cycle sonogram with Dr. Le. He was equally as impressive on the second visit, as far as his concern, compassion, ability to really listen to us, and then explain everything in a very understandable way. He has the best bedside manner a patient could ask for, yet still is quite personal and has a sense of humor. Dr. Le sincerely makes the entire process not just bearable, but even kind of enjoyable. Anyways, about the appointment...the sonogram went well and he said I have a "beautiful lining." LOL! I bet he said beautiful three times! He explained that he wanted it to be 7 or over, and mine was 8.8, which is ideal for implantation. Hooray! (Haha-I never thought I'd be celebrating the measurement of my uterine lining!) Next he looked for a "mature follicle" (an egg that's ready to be fertilized). He told me that he wanted it to be 15 (15 what?...I couldn't tell ya. I'm not sure what the unit of measurement is.) and my right one was only 14.5. My left was 18 though. He said my follicles would continue to mature today, and should be perfect tomorrow. The nurse taught me how to give myself the HCG shot (in the tummy, about an inch from the belly button), and I will do that tomorrow morning. This will stimulate ovulation, so then the next few days we will try, and hope, and pray, for a little bitty miracle to grow inside of me.
On the way home, I was gloating that my "perfect" uterus also had a "beautiful" lining, and Zac quickly reminded me that Dr. Le gave Zac an "A PLUS!!!" on his report, and that you just can't get any better than an A+! :)

Lucky Friday the 13th

I had the dye test (HSG) today and my tubes are completely open! Woohoo! I watched on the screen as the concentrated contrast traveled out of each of them and swirled into a beautiful pattern in my body cavity. :) I have a tilted uterus, but the doc said that is very common and shouldn't matter. Zac also found out that he passed his test too! So that means that so far, everything is good. That's exciting. I keep having to remind myself that this doesn't mean we will definitely be able to get pregnant. I am such a dreamer and I keep the best-case scenario in mind at all times, which also makes the hurt that much more painful. Oh well...I like thinking positive! We are now headed to Katy for the weekend for my nephew Owen's birthday. It's neat to think that next year at this time we might have a little one too!!! :) y'all have a great weekend!

Very Proactive

Okay, I tried to write this post without being too graphic, but the truth is, conception is very scientific. If you don't want to know about my cycle, biology, etc, you might not want to read this post. :)
Well, we had our first appointment with Dr. Le today, and it was quite overwhelming. Very informative, but LOTS to take in. I think I'm STILL absorbing everything he told us. It started out pretty scary, with him discussing how scar tissue from all of my previous abdominal surgeries could prevent my f-tube from being able to collect the egg. I felt tears coming to my eyes, and Zac told me later he felt like he got punched in the gut. Luckily, we moved on, and the rest of the appointment was much more positive and optimistic. We mapped out a plan of action, and it seemed too perfect that I went to him on the day I did. When we started talking, he said something about "on day three we will..." and I said "well, I'm actually on day three right now!" He looked at the calendar, agreed, and we were able to start the ball rolling today at the 'consultation' appointment! I had a baseline sonogram, and Dr. Le was very excited to report I have "the perfect uterus!" LOL...I bet he said it five different times! I've been bragging about it all night. Zac's been teasing me, calling me "pug" (perfect uterus girl) I told him "sorry that I'm excited that ONE of my body-parts is perfect! No doctor has EVER said anything about me was perfect!" Haha! So that was a relief, and then when he saw the location of my ovaries, he was very pleased with that as well. (He'd been afraid that they might me too low or high, misplaced because of things moving around during surgery.) He then told me that he hoped to see 8-10 eggs in each ovary. Again, I exceeded expectations, and he got very excited. I had TWELVE (yep, a dozen eggs!) in each basket...I mean ovary. He said "wow...you could be an egg donor!" So after the sonogram, we were in a very good mood! I'm happy to hear that so far, everything looks good. I will start on Clomid tomorrow, and take it for just five days. (Don't worry-we asked, and Clomid only has an 8% chance of causing multiple births.) Friday I will have an HSG (dye test) to check my fallopian tubes and uterus. One cool thing about that, is that I've heard from so many people (including Dr. Le) that this test alone often helps couples get pregnant. Something about the way it flushed everything out and makes the tubes and uterus more likely to implant the follicle. Next Wednesday I will have a mid-cycle sonogram to look for a mature follicle. On this day I will also get an HCG injection. HCG is the same thing as LH, the lutenizing hormone, and this causes ovulation. The next few days will be the days we "try," and then I'll go for blood work to check my progesterone levels the following Thursday or Friday. You might be wondering...why the clomid and HCG and progesterone? The doc explained to us that stress can cause your brain and endocrine system to not send out the hormones your body needs to get pregnant. If you are stressed, it's easier to survive without a child, so nature makes it almost impossible to get pregnant. These hormones are natural for conception, taking them just helps ensure things are as ideal as possible, to increase the likelihood of pregnancy. Of course Dr. Le explains it so much better than I do! I told Zac three times "I wish I had recorded our appointment!" It was just soo much info to take in, and I would love to be able to listen to his words and explanations over and over. Also, I can't retell it the way he does. We are so lucky to have so many people praying for us and rooting for us to become parents. I felt blessed leaving the office, when I was thinking of all the people I wanted to update about the appointment. I only called a couple people, but this blog is serving as a liaison to inform the rest of you kind people who care. Thanks for taking an interest in our journey to parenthood. As I look at the URL of my blog, I'm quite content with the name I chose....Julia's Miracle. Because this baby will be nothing short of a miracle, and I can't wait to experience that! :)

New year, same hopes...

While this blog has gotten no attention from me in quite some time, the thought of becoming a mom has been at the front of my mind for months now. Zac and I started "trying" back in the summer. In the beginning it wasn't too hard to handle, on that certain day when I got confirmation that I was not pregnant. It was a big disappointment, but it was still new and there wasn't much urgency. As the months have come and gone though, each time I start my period is harder and more difficult. When I started last night, I was completely crushed. Like, major melt-down mode. The only way I can describe it is heart break. And while I try not to have self-pity, sometimes I just want to scream "why not me!? I will be a good mommy! I can afford it! I have a loving supportive husband who will be a good daddy!! What's wrong with us? Why can't WE have a kid?" but then I get over it, and try to remember what EVERYONE keeps telling me...He has a plan, and it's in His timing. I know Zac and I will be parents when the time is right. I fully trust that. I just want the right time to be now!! :) Trying to get pregnant is such an emotionally exhausting and consuming process. I never realized just how heart-breaking it can be, until I was put in this position. Luckily, Zac and I both see adoption as a very exciting and awesome possibility. In fact, even if we have one child biologically, we plan on adopting the second. So why am I so upset about obsessed with getting pregnant? I can't answer that. I don't know why I'm so desperate. I know it will be hard on my body, I know there are risks, I know how amazing adoption is. Yet somehow, I just can't move on quite yet. I think it's the not knowing. Can I even get pregnant? Is this even a possibility? Are we trying all for nothing, or do we keep trying? I think I will be able to be at peace if I find out I can NOT carry a child, I think it's just the not knowing, and the cycle of getting my hopes up, only to be let down, OVER and OVER and OVER, month after month.
All that being said, I have an appointment with a fertility specialist on Monday. Zac and I both agree that we do not want to take any drastic measures (no IVF or hardcore fertility drugs, etc), but we have decided to get testing done to see if pregnancy is even a possibility for us. Every since I made the appointment today, I've had a little sense of relief. At least we will know...one way or the other...at least we will know. If we are told that I can't have a pregnancy, I don't think I will mourn that. Like I said, we are super excited about adoption. I just want to know we did all we could to try. It will also be a relief, even if he says we can't get pregnant, because at least then we can quit hoping and waiting and expecting and then getting hurt. We can move on, and start the next process.
Either way, I know I will be a mom. And I KNOW when that baby is in my arms, I will say it was worth the wait, and the pain, and the experience. So that's just what I'll think about until she is safe in my arms looking up at me. :)