Drew's first birthday was so special! His big day fell on a Tuesday, a day he usually goes to Mother's Day Out. I know he has so much fun at school, and I had a few errands to run, so I let him sleep until he woke up and then took him in. I stayed to watch him play in the playroom and it was so fulfilling to see first hand what the teachers had been describing to me. He LOVES the play room and would go from the car table to the mirrors to the climbing mats to the rocking horse like he couldn't miss a single thing. His teachers had bought him a balloon and clipped it onto his shirt, and he loved pulling the string to bring the balloon down to his level and then letting it fly back up, repeat repeat repeat. :) After about an hour I left his school and they ate lunch and he had his first cupcake ever! They said he absolutely loved it. Zac took a half-day, so we met at the church and picked him up early together and then went home for him to nap.
When he woke up from his nap, we drove to our favorite park in Waxahachie. Stacy met us there to take some pictures of him. I am so glad we invited her, because those pictures and that space in time are both one of my favorites of the whole entire year. Drew devoured his smash cake. I've never seen a baby love cake more than our little Drewski did! He even licked the plate clean...he could not get enough sugar! :) :) :)
After cake and pictures at the park we went to Chili's and ordered Drew his first kids meal. :) He had macaroni and cheese and mandarin oranges and loved it all. We came home and put him to bed together. Zac and I hugged beside his crib, and I may have cried a little. What a magical and memorable first year. You don't know LOVE until you become a parent. It is unlike any love I had ever experienced, and I must say, it's my favorite love. <3 br="">
Monday, November 11, 2013
Mr. Personality
I just love the big personality that God designed for Drew. He is so social and personable. People stop me everywhere we go and tell me how happy and friendly he is. Of course I love when people tell me he's cute, but my favorite is when they say "he made my day!' or "his smile made me feel so special"...or happy...or warm. His happiness is truly contagious and he makes so many people smile. It makes my mama heart so proud.
Last week, one of his teachers told me "He is so fun! He is so personable, I actually have to remind myself to pay attention to the other kids sometimes! I could just play with him all day! He's so engaging and smart and funny!" Obviously that made me feel pretty good. :)
We took lunch to Zac at school last Friday. As the principals finished lunch (they all sit together in the cafeteria and eat everyday before all of the lunches start), the first group of students were filling in the cafeteria. I saw a lot of my former students, so I went to say hi to them. One of the kids asked about "bay-bay Doo" so I pointed to where Zac was standing and holding Drew so that my student could see Drew. Except when I looked up, I saw that Drew was BEAMING and waving non-stop to all of the high school students walking by. Zac looked proud and was trying to hide his big daddy smile. My heart filled up and bubbled up into my throat in the form of a lump. Gosh I love that little boy! Most of the girls and even a lot of the boys were waving back and smiling so big at my little baby. One of my friends said he could be a successful politician because he always wins everyone over, no matter where we go. :)
We're pretty blessed that he's so easy going and happy and personable. I hope those qualities stick with him...he will be able to do BIG things with those traits! :)
Last week, one of his teachers told me "He is so fun! He is so personable, I actually have to remind myself to pay attention to the other kids sometimes! I could just play with him all day! He's so engaging and smart and funny!" Obviously that made me feel pretty good. :)
We took lunch to Zac at school last Friday. As the principals finished lunch (they all sit together in the cafeteria and eat everyday before all of the lunches start), the first group of students were filling in the cafeteria. I saw a lot of my former students, so I went to say hi to them. One of the kids asked about "bay-bay Doo" so I pointed to where Zac was standing and holding Drew so that my student could see Drew. Except when I looked up, I saw that Drew was BEAMING and waving non-stop to all of the high school students walking by. Zac looked proud and was trying to hide his big daddy smile. My heart filled up and bubbled up into my throat in the form of a lump. Gosh I love that little boy! Most of the girls and even a lot of the boys were waving back and smiling so big at my little baby. One of my friends said he could be a successful politician because he always wins everyone over, no matter where we go. :)
We're pretty blessed that he's so easy going and happy and personable. I hope those qualities stick with him...he will be able to do BIG things with those traits! :)
13 months!
There are so many things I wished I'd have blogged throughout Drew's first year. I'm so behind that it's hard to even sit down and write out what's going on now, because SO MUCH has already taken place that I failed to document. BUT, I need to break the ice and just start writing. Even if it's short. That's my November resolution. :) (who says resolutions have to wait until the new year?)
Drew is SO. MUCH. FUN. right now! I mean, he always has been, but this stage right now is MAGIC, I tell you! Every day, several times a day actually, he does something that surprises and delights me, and in true typical-mom fashion, I think he's that smartest kid in the world. :) I want to remember what he was doing at this age, so I wanted to jot down some of his "skills" real quickly.
Here are some things he is doing these days that make us smile...
-he's obsessed with cows and constantly moos when he sees one. Occasionally he'll see a horse and moo at it. He has a cow flash card that he carries around, and a Baby Einstein video that sings Old MacDonald that always makes him giddy.
-he loves animal sounds and says baa for sheep and when you ask him what a fish says he pops his lips and when you ask what an elephant says, he blows a raspberry. It's precious. I might or might not have him do this all day long, just because I love to watch it. And he loves doing it!
-He gives kisses now! They are open mouth and sometimes a little wet, but nothing makes my heart pitter-patter more than those excited kisses. He applauds himself or giggles after each and every kiss.
-Ha absolutely loves reading. We probably read 20 different books a day, and NO, I am not exaggerating! AND, sometimes we read the same book like ten times. We are reading fools in this house. I have many of the books memorized. My favorite part of his reading obsession is the way he brings you a book and backs up to sit in your lap. Never gets old.
-He signs "more" "all done" "eat" and he occasionally says "tain too" for thank you when we hand him something, like a toy or food
-he is super cooperative when getting dressed or buckling him in the carseat. If he's holding a book or toy (usually he is), he'll automatically switch it to the other hand when you need that arm to go in the shirt or under the seat belt. He holds out one hand at a time and helps put his own legs in the pants. I don't take this for granted. I have babysat so many kids that fight or struggle when you try to get them dressed or buckled (which is totally normal and appropriate!), so I appreciate that he makes it so easy on me. I never taught him or told him, he just knows what's coming next and adjusts to make it happen smoothly. It's awesome.
-He loves to eat! I call him my Very Hungry Caterpillar, because it's not unusual for him to eat an entire plum, entire peach, entire banana, 4-5 strawberries and an orange in one sitting. It's unreal. The boy LOVES fruit! He likes veggies too, and tortillas and bread and waffles. We just started feeding him nitrate-free lunch meat and cubes of cheese and he likes that a lot! There really isn't much he won't eat. Phew!
Drew is SO. MUCH. FUN. right now! I mean, he always has been, but this stage right now is MAGIC, I tell you! Every day, several times a day actually, he does something that surprises and delights me, and in true typical-mom fashion, I think he's that smartest kid in the world. :) I want to remember what he was doing at this age, so I wanted to jot down some of his "skills" real quickly.
Here are some things he is doing these days that make us smile...
-he's obsessed with cows and constantly moos when he sees one. Occasionally he'll see a horse and moo at it. He has a cow flash card that he carries around, and a Baby Einstein video that sings Old MacDonald that always makes him giddy.
-he loves animal sounds and says baa for sheep and when you ask him what a fish says he pops his lips and when you ask what an elephant says, he blows a raspberry. It's precious. I might or might not have him do this all day long, just because I love to watch it. And he loves doing it!
-He gives kisses now! They are open mouth and sometimes a little wet, but nothing makes my heart pitter-patter more than those excited kisses. He applauds himself or giggles after each and every kiss.
-Ha absolutely loves reading. We probably read 20 different books a day, and NO, I am not exaggerating! AND, sometimes we read the same book like ten times. We are reading fools in this house. I have many of the books memorized. My favorite part of his reading obsession is the way he brings you a book and backs up to sit in your lap. Never gets old.
-He signs "more" "all done" "eat" and he occasionally says "tain too" for thank you when we hand him something, like a toy or food
-he is super cooperative when getting dressed or buckling him in the carseat. If he's holding a book or toy (usually he is), he'll automatically switch it to the other hand when you need that arm to go in the shirt or under the seat belt. He holds out one hand at a time and helps put his own legs in the pants. I don't take this for granted. I have babysat so many kids that fight or struggle when you try to get them dressed or buckled (which is totally normal and appropriate!), so I appreciate that he makes it so easy on me. I never taught him or told him, he just knows what's coming next and adjusts to make it happen smoothly. It's awesome.
-He loves to eat! I call him my Very Hungry Caterpillar, because it's not unusual for him to eat an entire plum, entire peach, entire banana, 4-5 strawberries and an orange in one sitting. It's unreal. The boy LOVES fruit! He likes veggies too, and tortillas and bread and waffles. We just started feeding him nitrate-free lunch meat and cubes of cheese and he likes that a lot! There really isn't much he won't eat. Phew!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
the worst day
-I just finished this post and came back up to the top to say it's much longer and more detailed than I ever planned or imagined writing. It was hard, but cathartic to recall and type out. But there was also some healing that took place. I'm thankful for this space to write. This was stream of consciousness, which brought out some thoughts and feelings I hadn't acknowledged yet. What a gift it is to write, when it brings out these emotions and leaves peace in their place...
Some of you have asked for specifics about our bad day. One day I will probably tell Drew about this. It might not even be until he's a daddy, a long long time from now, but he may ask, and I will tell him about this horrible day, and have this post to help me with the details. I hope and pray this is the one and only febrile seizure I will ever document. However, should he have another or several in the future, it will be helpful to have this as a reference.
Last Saturday, the day before Drew's 11month birthday, started out like a normal Saturday. Actually, it started extra fun. We met friends at the Dallas Zoo, saw some animals, let Drew splash around in the kids creek, and then went to lunch in Bishop Arts. D was happy as can be, and seemed fine.
We came home, he napped, and then he and I headed to my friend Lindsey's house in Burleson for a playdate. (about 40 minutes from our house) Both of the ladies I met up with used to live in Austin, and both have babies about Drew's age now. When we got there he was a little fussy, but I thought he was just tired. After a little while, he seemed a little warm to me, so we took his temp. 99.5...not too bad, but higher than usual. I had forgotten to bring our little medicine pouch with all of his stuff, and my friend had just run out of tylenol and ibuprofen, so we gave him two teething tablets to help ease the fussiness, and I laid him down in their crib. About thirty minutes later he cried a little, so I went back and got him. I was holding him on my lap (which he doesn't usually allow me to do) and smiling inside because I thought he was being cuddly. Just a few minutes later, he leaned back suddenly. I thought he was snuggling, and started to smile as I looked down, until I saw his eyes roll back. I quickly stood up and said "what's happening?" and then he instantly started convulsing. I laid him on the couch and Andrea immediately called 911. She also looked at her phone to check the time, something that came in handy later, when we were repeatedly asked how long the seizure lasted. What followed was the LONGEST seven minutes of my life. Drew's eyes were rolling back, I figured he was having a febrile seizure, because I'd read about them on so many parenting sites, but I was still scared out of my mind. Although I was mostly calm and rational, for a quick ten seconds, I let myself go there...WHAT IF HE STOPS BREATHING? WHAT IF HE'S NEVER THE SAME? IS HE GOING TO DIE? WILL ZAC EVER HOLD HIM AGAIN? And then I snapped myself out of it. About a minute into the seizure I called Zac. I dreaded telling him as the phone rang. (My friend was recording the seizure with her iphone at this time, and she sent me the video. In it, I can hear my call to Zac, and honestly, I don't know how I was so calm.) "Drew is having a serizure. We are on the phone with 911. I need you to come right away. Lindsey is going to give you her address...write it down" and then I handed the phone to Lindsey. That's all he got. It was rough watching my baby convulse and feeling so out of control and helpless, but I know hearing this and not being there, and only getting snippets of information had to be so hard on Zac. Andrea continued to talk to the dispatcher, who was asking for updates, and giving us instructions. (don't do CPR, don't put anything in his mouth, etc) I felt like we waited forever. And then he stopped seizing. And that's when I started getting really really really frightened. Because the seizures look rythmic and he was moving and although it was awful, I knew his body was okay. What happened next was the worst part. He got eerily still. He turned white, and quit doing the shallow panting breaths that the seizure caused. I couldn't tell if he was breathing at all. I leaned my ear down to his mouth to listen and hope to feel a hot breath. He was breathing. Lindsey felt his head and remarked that he was really hot. His eyes were still not normal and he started a slow low moan. This is when I felt like my heart might ACTUALLY SHATTER. He was coming to and he was miserable. He seemed like he was in so much pain. I almost wanted to seizures to start back. This seemed too much to bear. (just typing this out is making me weep...like it's happening all over again.) Will help ever come? Finally (just eight minutes after we called) an ambulance arrived. I stood in the front door and begged them to hurry, relief washing over me. This was a local unit, and within thirty seconds of assessing Drew, a man stepped out, and another one of them men told me they were calling Care Flite. I just nodded and listened, except I wasn't really listening, because my head was saying "okay, this is real. This IS life and death. I didn't think it was, but it is. They're calling a helicopter. Will I get to ride in the helicopter? What if something happens to him while I'm not with him. He NEEDS me! I NEED him! They can't do this to me?" So I interrupted and asked if I'd get to ride with him. The nice man said "of course" and for a second I felt better. One of the paramedics was taking Drew's temp (which was 101.5 at that point) and checking his vitals. The next thing I knew, the new group of paramedics entered the living room. They were calm and gentle and made me feel very safe and comforted. James introduced himself to me and then instantly said "your son is going to be FINE! I know this is scary and traumatic, but this is a febrile seizure, and he's going to be okay! I need you to know that." I only kind of believed him, but it still made me feel better. Then he asked me for Drew's car seat. I was shocked. "you really need that?" "yes ma'am, that's how we'll transport him to the hospital." "a car seat in a HELICOPTER?" I asked him, perplexed. But that's when he looked confused and said "no, an ambulance. We came in an ambulance. We're going to take him by ambulance" and then I felt like things weren't so scary again. And then suddenly I realized I didn't even know what hospital we were traveling to. I need to tell Zac! But apperantly the first crew had already told Lindsey that the next ambulance would take us to Cook Children's Hospital in downtown Fort Worth. And because she's so awesome, she had already called Zac (without me even asking or realizing) and told him to meet us at Cooks. Lindsey went and got the carseat (again, without me even asking her to) so I could stay by Drew. I tried to talk to him. "Momma's here. I'm not gonna leave you. It's going to be okay. I'm sorry you're hurting. We're going to fix it baby." Except I think I was talking to myself too. If I said it out loud, maybe I'd believe it. We quickly loaded up into the ambulance, and sure enough, he was in his car seat strapped to a stretcher. (Side note, it helped keep him still...I totally understand why they wanted it. I can't imagine how the ride would've gone without him in it.) James sat in the back with me and started hooking all sorts of stuff up to Drew. After the first or second time I asked, he started explaining every little move he made, what he wrote down, what each thing did, and what the numbers on the screen meant. Drew still looked awful. It was harder to witness this chunk of time than the seizure itself. He was so not himself. He was groaning and his mouth was making tons of bubbles. I remember thinking James was so gentle as he took a few gauze pads and blotted around his mouth. I asked him if he had kids. He didn't. He put the tiniest oxygen mask I've ever seen over his mouth and nose. He stuck four sensors onto his arms and legs, and then started staring at the screen. At one point he looked concerned, and started digging around a cabinet for something. I asked him what was going on, and he calmly and matter-of-factly explained that he was worried about his pulse. It was 196 and not dropping. It should've been closer to 150. His body was not coming out of the seizure the way they hoped and wanted it to. He gave Drew some medicine up his nose. Versed (pronounced ver-set). This was a supposed to help his body calm down and relax, hopefully lowering his pulse as well. (blood pressure stayed around 118/80, which was good) James continued to monitor Drew. Listen to his heart, check the screen, make some notes, etc. About twenty minutes later we arrived at the hospital. Zac called as I was stepping off of the back of the ambulance. He was already there. (he told me later that he looked down several times on the drive from Midlo to Ft Worth, and was going 95 mph! Thank the Lord for watching over him and getting him there safely!) I told him we were entering the "ambulance entrance" and I heard him tell the waiting room clerk that his child had arrived and she buzzed him back. We hung up. I hadn't cried at all up to this point. I was fully focused and adrenaline must've been keeping me calm. But then I saw Zac, and I felt the tears come. And then I saw his face when he saw Drew (who was still not himself and made no reaction whatsoever to seeing Daddy) and my heart broke all over again. I held it together until they put us in a room, and then as soon as they stepped out, I hugged Zac and wept. My chest heaved, and I felt my legs might give out. He squeezed me and let me cry, and I knew he was scared and hurting too. A nurse was assigned to Drew and she came in and introduced herself and said "this is very normal. It's never normal to see it happen to your own child, but this happens a lot and he is going to be just fine! He should not have any damage from this. I know it must've been so scary, but the worst part is over. He's going to be okay!" I had heard this several times now, and this time I believed it. She was so kind and sincere, and I trusted her. Shortly after she came in and checked on Drew, a doctor came in. He thoroughly examined Drew and told us that he was ordering labs to see if we could determine what caused the fever in the first place. The nurse came back in, with an assistant, to draw blood and start an IV. She had a very hard time finding a vain. I could tell she was very good at what she does, but he was dehydrated which made it hard to find a good vain. She bent his hand at the wrist and squeezed so tightly that his fingers and palm were pressed against his forearm. That alone looked like it would hurt, but then she started moving the needle back and forth, back and forth, until she found a place that let a little blood out into the tube. Fortunately Drew was too exhausted to put up a fight. I put Baby Einstein on my phone You Tube and held it to the side of his that she wasn't working on. He watched with glazed eyes, only occasionally looking at his arm and the women who were messing with him. When they finally got the blood they needed, she explained that they were going to wait to start an IV, only if he spends the night. She brought some pedialyte and gatorade and let us feed him for the first time. He drank it slowly and we gave him a little more. While we waited for the lab results, we let him watch the rest of the Baby Einstein and made a few phone calls/texts to family and friends. Before we knew it, the doctor came back and said that the bloodwork looked great. His white counts weren't elevated, which meant no bacterial infection. He said it must be a virus, and gave us some information to take home. The nurse came by soon after with discharge papers, and answered the rest of our questions. I wanted to take her home with us. Like the time we left the hospital after he was diagnosed with RSV, I felt scared, overwhelmed, and a little incapable to take him home where WE were the ones responsible for his precious life. But I was also happy we were going home.
Some of you have asked for specifics about our bad day. One day I will probably tell Drew about this. It might not even be until he's a daddy, a long long time from now, but he may ask, and I will tell him about this horrible day, and have this post to help me with the details. I hope and pray this is the one and only febrile seizure I will ever document. However, should he have another or several in the future, it will be helpful to have this as a reference.
Last Saturday, the day before Drew's 11month birthday, started out like a normal Saturday. Actually, it started extra fun. We met friends at the Dallas Zoo, saw some animals, let Drew splash around in the kids creek, and then went to lunch in Bishop Arts. D was happy as can be, and seemed fine.
We came home, he napped, and then he and I headed to my friend Lindsey's house in Burleson for a playdate. (about 40 minutes from our house) Both of the ladies I met up with used to live in Austin, and both have babies about Drew's age now. When we got there he was a little fussy, but I thought he was just tired. After a little while, he seemed a little warm to me, so we took his temp. 99.5...not too bad, but higher than usual. I had forgotten to bring our little medicine pouch with all of his stuff, and my friend had just run out of tylenol and ibuprofen, so we gave him two teething tablets to help ease the fussiness, and I laid him down in their crib. About thirty minutes later he cried a little, so I went back and got him. I was holding him on my lap (which he doesn't usually allow me to do) and smiling inside because I thought he was being cuddly. Just a few minutes later, he leaned back suddenly. I thought he was snuggling, and started to smile as I looked down, until I saw his eyes roll back. I quickly stood up and said "what's happening?" and then he instantly started convulsing. I laid him on the couch and Andrea immediately called 911. She also looked at her phone to check the time, something that came in handy later, when we were repeatedly asked how long the seizure lasted. What followed was the LONGEST seven minutes of my life. Drew's eyes were rolling back, I figured he was having a febrile seizure, because I'd read about them on so many parenting sites, but I was still scared out of my mind. Although I was mostly calm and rational, for a quick ten seconds, I let myself go there...WHAT IF HE STOPS BREATHING? WHAT IF HE'S NEVER THE SAME? IS HE GOING TO DIE? WILL ZAC EVER HOLD HIM AGAIN? And then I snapped myself out of it. About a minute into the seizure I called Zac. I dreaded telling him as the phone rang. (My friend was recording the seizure with her iphone at this time, and she sent me the video. In it, I can hear my call to Zac, and honestly, I don't know how I was so calm.) "Drew is having a serizure. We are on the phone with 911. I need you to come right away. Lindsey is going to give you her address...write it down" and then I handed the phone to Lindsey. That's all he got. It was rough watching my baby convulse and feeling so out of control and helpless, but I know hearing this and not being there, and only getting snippets of information had to be so hard on Zac. Andrea continued to talk to the dispatcher, who was asking for updates, and giving us instructions. (don't do CPR, don't put anything in his mouth, etc) I felt like we waited forever. And then he stopped seizing. And that's when I started getting really really really frightened. Because the seizures look rythmic and he was moving and although it was awful, I knew his body was okay. What happened next was the worst part. He got eerily still. He turned white, and quit doing the shallow panting breaths that the seizure caused. I couldn't tell if he was breathing at all. I leaned my ear down to his mouth to listen and hope to feel a hot breath. He was breathing. Lindsey felt his head and remarked that he was really hot. His eyes were still not normal and he started a slow low moan. This is when I felt like my heart might ACTUALLY SHATTER. He was coming to and he was miserable. He seemed like he was in so much pain. I almost wanted to seizures to start back. This seemed too much to bear. (just typing this out is making me weep...like it's happening all over again.) Will help ever come? Finally (just eight minutes after we called) an ambulance arrived. I stood in the front door and begged them to hurry, relief washing over me. This was a local unit, and within thirty seconds of assessing Drew, a man stepped out, and another one of them men told me they were calling Care Flite. I just nodded and listened, except I wasn't really listening, because my head was saying "okay, this is real. This IS life and death. I didn't think it was, but it is. They're calling a helicopter. Will I get to ride in the helicopter? What if something happens to him while I'm not with him. He NEEDS me! I NEED him! They can't do this to me?" So I interrupted and asked if I'd get to ride with him. The nice man said "of course" and for a second I felt better. One of the paramedics was taking Drew's temp (which was 101.5 at that point) and checking his vitals. The next thing I knew, the new group of paramedics entered the living room. They were calm and gentle and made me feel very safe and comforted. James introduced himself to me and then instantly said "your son is going to be FINE! I know this is scary and traumatic, but this is a febrile seizure, and he's going to be okay! I need you to know that." I only kind of believed him, but it still made me feel better. Then he asked me for Drew's car seat. I was shocked. "you really need that?" "yes ma'am, that's how we'll transport him to the hospital." "a car seat in a HELICOPTER?" I asked him, perplexed. But that's when he looked confused and said "no, an ambulance. We came in an ambulance. We're going to take him by ambulance" and then I felt like things weren't so scary again. And then suddenly I realized I didn't even know what hospital we were traveling to. I need to tell Zac! But apperantly the first crew had already told Lindsey that the next ambulance would take us to Cook Children's Hospital in downtown Fort Worth. And because she's so awesome, she had already called Zac (without me even asking or realizing) and told him to meet us at Cooks. Lindsey went and got the carseat (again, without me even asking her to) so I could stay by Drew. I tried to talk to him. "Momma's here. I'm not gonna leave you. It's going to be okay. I'm sorry you're hurting. We're going to fix it baby." Except I think I was talking to myself too. If I said it out loud, maybe I'd believe it. We quickly loaded up into the ambulance, and sure enough, he was in his car seat strapped to a stretcher. (Side note, it helped keep him still...I totally understand why they wanted it. I can't imagine how the ride would've gone without him in it.) James sat in the back with me and started hooking all sorts of stuff up to Drew. After the first or second time I asked, he started explaining every little move he made, what he wrote down, what each thing did, and what the numbers on the screen meant. Drew still looked awful. It was harder to witness this chunk of time than the seizure itself. He was so not himself. He was groaning and his mouth was making tons of bubbles. I remember thinking James was so gentle as he took a few gauze pads and blotted around his mouth. I asked him if he had kids. He didn't. He put the tiniest oxygen mask I've ever seen over his mouth and nose. He stuck four sensors onto his arms and legs, and then started staring at the screen. At one point he looked concerned, and started digging around a cabinet for something. I asked him what was going on, and he calmly and matter-of-factly explained that he was worried about his pulse. It was 196 and not dropping. It should've been closer to 150. His body was not coming out of the seizure the way they hoped and wanted it to. He gave Drew some medicine up his nose. Versed (pronounced ver-set). This was a supposed to help his body calm down and relax, hopefully lowering his pulse as well. (blood pressure stayed around 118/80, which was good) James continued to monitor Drew. Listen to his heart, check the screen, make some notes, etc. About twenty minutes later we arrived at the hospital. Zac called as I was stepping off of the back of the ambulance. He was already there. (he told me later that he looked down several times on the drive from Midlo to Ft Worth, and was going 95 mph! Thank the Lord for watching over him and getting him there safely!) I told him we were entering the "ambulance entrance" and I heard him tell the waiting room clerk that his child had arrived and she buzzed him back. We hung up. I hadn't cried at all up to this point. I was fully focused and adrenaline must've been keeping me calm. But then I saw Zac, and I felt the tears come. And then I saw his face when he saw Drew (who was still not himself and made no reaction whatsoever to seeing Daddy) and my heart broke all over again. I held it together until they put us in a room, and then as soon as they stepped out, I hugged Zac and wept. My chest heaved, and I felt my legs might give out. He squeezed me and let me cry, and I knew he was scared and hurting too. A nurse was assigned to Drew and she came in and introduced herself and said "this is very normal. It's never normal to see it happen to your own child, but this happens a lot and he is going to be just fine! He should not have any damage from this. I know it must've been so scary, but the worst part is over. He's going to be okay!" I had heard this several times now, and this time I believed it. She was so kind and sincere, and I trusted her. Shortly after she came in and checked on Drew, a doctor came in. He thoroughly examined Drew and told us that he was ordering labs to see if we could determine what caused the fever in the first place. The nurse came back in, with an assistant, to draw blood and start an IV. She had a very hard time finding a vain. I could tell she was very good at what she does, but he was dehydrated which made it hard to find a good vain. She bent his hand at the wrist and squeezed so tightly that his fingers and palm were pressed against his forearm. That alone looked like it would hurt, but then she started moving the needle back and forth, back and forth, until she found a place that let a little blood out into the tube. Fortunately Drew was too exhausted to put up a fight. I put Baby Einstein on my phone You Tube and held it to the side of his that she wasn't working on. He watched with glazed eyes, only occasionally looking at his arm and the women who were messing with him. When they finally got the blood they needed, she explained that they were going to wait to start an IV, only if he spends the night. She brought some pedialyte and gatorade and let us feed him for the first time. He drank it slowly and we gave him a little more. While we waited for the lab results, we let him watch the rest of the Baby Einstein and made a few phone calls/texts to family and friends. Before we knew it, the doctor came back and said that the bloodwork looked great. His white counts weren't elevated, which meant no bacterial infection. He said it must be a virus, and gave us some information to take home. The nurse came by soon after with discharge papers, and answered the rest of our questions. I wanted to take her home with us. Like the time we left the hospital after he was diagnosed with RSV, I felt scared, overwhelmed, and a little incapable to take him home where WE were the ones responsible for his precious life. But I was also happy we were going home.
Monday, September 16, 2013
overflow of emotions
Would you believe me if I told you that I think about this blog every day? EVERY. SINGLE. DAY! Seriously. I'm not exaggerating! I think of things I want to document, frustrations to vent, memories to record, milestones to applaud...yet I haven't written in six months. I beat myself up over not blogging more, which I think is why I continue the hiatus, but NO MORE! Today I am breaking the ice and returning to the blog. At least for today. :)
Drew is 11 months old. He has been this many months for eight days now, and each day that passes makes me more and more emotional. Because that's one day closer to his first birthday. I didn't fully get this until I became a mom. 'It's a birthday...what's the big deal?' Totally wrong...such a big deal. Because it's not just a birthday. It's a reflection of the MOST AMAZING YEAR of our lives. It's memory lane. It's celebrating the little soul that changed everything (yes, EVERYTHING) about not only the way we live, but WHO we are. We are his, and he is ours. He made us a family. He changed the way we look at our own family. He's changed every single relationship in my life. Because seeing my friends and family become Drew's village is more touching than my brain can explain. It's a little teeny tiny bit of a relief...we're past the super delicate newborn stage. But then again, let's be honest...no matter how old he gets, he will always be our BABY and every little thing will matter. It's so much more than I can even put into words. It's a million emotions (sad, happy, proud, joyful, excited, confident, scared, eager, curious) all swirled into one overwhelming event. I'm actually fighting tears as I type this. Lump in the throat, burning in my chest. So if this is what 11 months and 8 days feels like, I can't even imagine what the BIG DAY will feel like. And how about the day of his party? When I see all the people we love come together to celebrate OUR boy, I can't even fathom the emotions. Our happy little miracle baby.
Sooo...if you see me, talk to me, have any type of communication with me, in the next few weeks, chances are I'm going to be emotional and sappy and I might even cry. Also, I'm on a strict diet, and who doesn't get emtoional on diets? Double whammy. (poor Zac...what were we thinking with the timing of this 24day challenge?) Anyways, consider yourself warned.
PS-Sunday Zac ran to Target to buy a canister of formula. When he got home, I realized this was the LAST formula we'd ever buy him. Which also means he'll be done with bottles soon too. Sigh...
Drew is 11 months old. He has been this many months for eight days now, and each day that passes makes me more and more emotional. Because that's one day closer to his first birthday. I didn't fully get this until I became a mom. 'It's a birthday...what's the big deal?' Totally wrong...such a big deal. Because it's not just a birthday. It's a reflection of the MOST AMAZING YEAR of our lives. It's memory lane. It's celebrating the little soul that changed everything (yes, EVERYTHING) about not only the way we live, but WHO we are. We are his, and he is ours. He made us a family. He changed the way we look at our own family. He's changed every single relationship in my life. Because seeing my friends and family become Drew's village is more touching than my brain can explain. It's a little teeny tiny bit of a relief...we're past the super delicate newborn stage. But then again, let's be honest...no matter how old he gets, he will always be our BABY and every little thing will matter. It's so much more than I can even put into words. It's a million emotions (sad, happy, proud, joyful, excited, confident, scared, eager, curious) all swirled into one overwhelming event. I'm actually fighting tears as I type this. Lump in the throat, burning in my chest. So if this is what 11 months and 8 days feels like, I can't even imagine what the BIG DAY will feel like. And how about the day of his party? When I see all the people we love come together to celebrate OUR boy, I can't even fathom the emotions. Our happy little miracle baby.
Sooo...if you see me, talk to me, have any type of communication with me, in the next few weeks, chances are I'm going to be emotional and sappy and I might even cry. Also, I'm on a strict diet, and who doesn't get emtoional on diets? Double whammy. (poor Zac...what were we thinking with the timing of this 24day challenge?) Anyways, consider yourself warned.
PS-Sunday Zac ran to Target to buy a canister of formula. When he got home, I realized this was the LAST formula we'd ever buy him. Which also means he'll be done with bottles soon too. Sigh...
Monday, March 18, 2013
Baby Boy Baptism
Drew was baptized yesterday, and it was the most special and magical day! He smiled and did great for the actual baptism, but my favorite part of it all was the family and friends who came to help us celebrate our little man. Such a celebration!
Because it was also spring break, the Bartletts came in on Thursday night and made a long weekend of it. We had such a wonderful time enjoying the beautiful weather with them, and even got our first snow cones of the year! We made so many amazing memories this weekend, and I'll cherish them forever! On Saturday my parents and Breck came in town and also my cousin Amy, and we grilled burgers and had a fun evening. Sunday morning Zac's parents and brother, Ramsi, Vickie and Larry, and the Falcos met us at the church for the service, as well as some of our friends who also go to our church. I felt very happy and loved. I know they weren't there for me, but for Drew, but really, when people are loving and celebrating my son, as an extension of him, they are loving and celebrating me too. And it felt magical. So much joy! Sounds strange, but I'd almost compare it to a wedding. Just a really happy day. Everyone was in such a great mood and happy to be together, and the word BLESSED was used a million times. Because we are. The people close to us make our life so rich!
Because it was also spring break, the Bartletts came in on Thursday night and made a long weekend of it. We had such a wonderful time enjoying the beautiful weather with them, and even got our first snow cones of the year! We made so many amazing memories this weekend, and I'll cherish them forever! On Saturday my parents and Breck came in town and also my cousin Amy, and we grilled burgers and had a fun evening. Sunday morning Zac's parents and brother, Ramsi, Vickie and Larry, and the Falcos met us at the church for the service, as well as some of our friends who also go to our church. I felt very happy and loved. I know they weren't there for me, but for Drew, but really, when people are loving and celebrating my son, as an extension of him, they are loving and celebrating me too. And it felt magical. So much joy! Sounds strange, but I'd almost compare it to a wedding. Just a really happy day. Everyone was in such a great mood and happy to be together, and the word BLESSED was used a million times. Because we are. The people close to us make our life so rich!
Friday, March 1, 2013
So this is "mom guilt?"
I think i have my first case of what they call "mom guilt." We just got home from the pediatrician. Drew has a double ear infection. :( Why the mom guilt? Because its Friday, and in hind sight he's been fussy since Monday.
-He wouldn't drink his bottles as usual, but would arch his back and fuss. It would take him 45 minutes to finish a bottle instead of his usual 15. I just thought it was reflux. I remember texting Zac Monday afternoon that he'd fought me on the last four bottles in a row, and I was exhausted from trying to get him to eat.
-He hasn't been napping or sleeping well. I just thought it was a new phase. Apparently there's something known as the four month sleep regressions, so I just assumed maybe that's what it was.
-He has been arching back his back a lot all week. All the readings say this is reflux (and we'd seen him do this some before), so we just figured it was the reflux. Although this week, he's been arching it like crazy. He would dig his heels in and almost try to flip over in his swing or sleeper or bouncer, and when you're holding him he's try to arch his back so far he could look at the ground...upside down. Guess I should've realized it was much more frequent and severe. I chalked it up to reflux.
-Drew was particularly cuddly this week. He let me hold him like a baby several times, and even fell asleep in my arms a few times. He hasn't done that in a long time. I never thought there had to be a cause or explanation for this, so I never even tried to find a reason for this great quality!
Anyways, something inside me told me to call the nurse Friday late morning. I was just sure they needed to up his reflux dosage (he's outgrown it before, and increasing it made a world of difference). The nurse told me that it sounded like it could be his ears, plus the doc wouldn't want to increase the dose without a new accurate weight, so to make an appointment. I was a little weary to take him to a doctor's office for reflux, knowing there would be flu and strep germs galore. Anyways, I made the appointment and took the little man. He weighed 13 pounds 12 ounces! I explained everything to the pedi (who has a 29 year old daughter with ulcerative colitis!!), and then he examined him. I was so shocked and instantly sad when he told me he has a double ear infection! :( he's been trying to tell me ALL! WEEK! LONG! that he didn't feel well, and I never got the message! Poor guy! At least next time I know what to look for. I'm learning as I go, and I know Drew forgives me. :) I just hate that I made him suffer longer than he needed to. Sigh...I guess this mommy guilt is a powerful thing.
***its now Saturday (the following day). I just logged on to blogger to proofread and publish this post, and I must share that I already don't feel guilty anymore. (phew!) but I do still feel sad that he's hurting. He was pretty fussy today and I know he's uncomfortable. Hopefully the meds will kick in by the morning and we will all be happier! :)
-He wouldn't drink his bottles as usual, but would arch his back and fuss. It would take him 45 minutes to finish a bottle instead of his usual 15. I just thought it was reflux. I remember texting Zac Monday afternoon that he'd fought me on the last four bottles in a row, and I was exhausted from trying to get him to eat.
-He hasn't been napping or sleeping well. I just thought it was a new phase. Apparently there's something known as the four month sleep regressions, so I just assumed maybe that's what it was.
-He has been arching back his back a lot all week. All the readings say this is reflux (and we'd seen him do this some before), so we just figured it was the reflux. Although this week, he's been arching it like crazy. He would dig his heels in and almost try to flip over in his swing or sleeper or bouncer, and when you're holding him he's try to arch his back so far he could look at the ground...upside down. Guess I should've realized it was much more frequent and severe. I chalked it up to reflux.
-Drew was particularly cuddly this week. He let me hold him like a baby several times, and even fell asleep in my arms a few times. He hasn't done that in a long time. I never thought there had to be a cause or explanation for this, so I never even tried to find a reason for this great quality!
Anyways, something inside me told me to call the nurse Friday late morning. I was just sure they needed to up his reflux dosage (he's outgrown it before, and increasing it made a world of difference). The nurse told me that it sounded like it could be his ears, plus the doc wouldn't want to increase the dose without a new accurate weight, so to make an appointment. I was a little weary to take him to a doctor's office for reflux, knowing there would be flu and strep germs galore. Anyways, I made the appointment and took the little man. He weighed 13 pounds 12 ounces! I explained everything to the pedi (who has a 29 year old daughter with ulcerative colitis!!), and then he examined him. I was so shocked and instantly sad when he told me he has a double ear infection! :( he's been trying to tell me ALL! WEEK! LONG! that he didn't feel well, and I never got the message! Poor guy! At least next time I know what to look for. I'm learning as I go, and I know Drew forgives me. :) I just hate that I made him suffer longer than he needed to. Sigh...I guess this mommy guilt is a powerful thing.
***its now Saturday (the following day). I just logged on to blogger to proofread and publish this post, and I must share that I already don't feel guilty anymore. (phew!) but I do still feel sad that he's hurting. He was pretty fussy today and I know he's uncomfortable. Hopefully the meds will kick in by the morning and we will all be happier! :)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
15 weeks
Fifteen things about Drew at 15 weeks.
1. He wants to hold his own bottle. He's not a pro yet, and usually gets frustrated because he pushes it out of his mouth.
2. He coos. Ooh, aah, mmm, eee. It's all precious and is usually accompanied by some pretty adorable facial expressions.
3. He went almost two straight weeks sleeping through the night. He's been waking up the past few nights, but we are hoping it's just a growth spurt?
4. He still sleeps in our room in his sleeper. Last night he fell asleep in the swing in the living room, so we left him in there, and I had a hard time falling asleep without him in the room with us. I like it better with him close.
5. I'm pretty sure he's already teething. He is constantly gnawing on his fists, drooling, and stops eating to chew on the nipple of the bottle.
6. His belly button is no longer herniated.
7. The hair on the top of his head spikes up, but the hair in the front lies flat. He almost looks like a british rocker from the 80's. Haha! Somedays it looks like a Mohawk. Either way, it's adorbs.
8. He likes to be stiff as a board at most times. He keeps his legs straight and stiff and doesn't like to be held in a position that forces him to bend. I wonder if this relates to his tummy issues.
9. He's drinking 5 ounces every three hours, except at night.
10. He loves his swing, bumbo, and play gym. He kicks his feet to play the piano in the play gym, and stares at himself in the mirror. It's precious. Liz also just lent me a bouncer that her kids outgrew, and he likes sitting I'm that too.
11. His blue eyes melt my heart. His smile lights up the room. When he smiles, it's a big smile.
12. He usually wakes up happy. He coos and stretches and when he sees me, he gives the biggest grin, which is the best way to start my day.
13. He knows me and Zac and our voices. This is really rewarding. When he gets do excited to see one of us, it makes me want to cry.
14. He's not a big fan of tummy time, if he can't sleep through it. He loves naps on his belly, but doesn't like to lift his head. He's getting better though.
15. He has fallen in love with a blue puppy lovie. (for my non-mom friends, a lovie is a little soft blanket that comforts the child-his has a puppy head on it that rattles.) He looks at "pup" with adoration and amusement, it's pretty priceless!
1. He wants to hold his own bottle. He's not a pro yet, and usually gets frustrated because he pushes it out of his mouth.
2. He coos. Ooh, aah, mmm, eee. It's all precious and is usually accompanied by some pretty adorable facial expressions.
3. He went almost two straight weeks sleeping through the night. He's been waking up the past few nights, but we are hoping it's just a growth spurt?
4. He still sleeps in our room in his sleeper. Last night he fell asleep in the swing in the living room, so we left him in there, and I had a hard time falling asleep without him in the room with us. I like it better with him close.
5. I'm pretty sure he's already teething. He is constantly gnawing on his fists, drooling, and stops eating to chew on the nipple of the bottle.
6. His belly button is no longer herniated.
7. The hair on the top of his head spikes up, but the hair in the front lies flat. He almost looks like a british rocker from the 80's. Haha! Somedays it looks like a Mohawk. Either way, it's adorbs.
8. He likes to be stiff as a board at most times. He keeps his legs straight and stiff and doesn't like to be held in a position that forces him to bend. I wonder if this relates to his tummy issues.
9. He's drinking 5 ounces every three hours, except at night.
10. He loves his swing, bumbo, and play gym. He kicks his feet to play the piano in the play gym, and stares at himself in the mirror. It's precious. Liz also just lent me a bouncer that her kids outgrew, and he likes sitting I'm that too.
11. His blue eyes melt my heart. His smile lights up the room. When he smiles, it's a big smile.
12. He usually wakes up happy. He coos and stretches and when he sees me, he gives the biggest grin, which is the best way to start my day.
13. He knows me and Zac and our voices. This is really rewarding. When he gets do excited to see one of us, it makes me want to cry.
14. He's not a big fan of tummy time, if he can't sleep through it. He loves naps on his belly, but doesn't like to lift his head. He's getting better though.
15. He has fallen in love with a blue puppy lovie. (for my non-mom friends, a lovie is a little soft blanket that comforts the child-his has a puppy head on it that rattles.) He looks at "pup" with adoration and amusement, it's pretty priceless!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
3 months
I am sure this will not be the last time I say this, but THIS (this right here, this moment, this week, this chunk of time), is my favorite stage. Drew just turned three months and it just keeps getting better.
I remember our pediatrician explaining to us when Drew was about a month old, that colic usually fades away by three months. Three months old...that seemed so far away at the time. I remember telling myself on those long nights "new year, new baby," clinging to the idea that his fussiness would be gone around the new year. And just like that, it has. Well, mostly. It was not an overnight change, so it kind of happened without us noticing. But then on January 8th, his 3-month birthday I suddenly realized that we don't have evenings with three hours of crying and screaming anymore, taking late-night drives, and taking turns. Of course he still has the occasional fussy-spell, like all babies do, but nothing like it was.
On top of less crying, he is SO FUN! He smiles, and even laughs!!! He coos and responds, and shows us new facial expressions daily. He grabs for toys and has found his fists. Oh, the fists. He loves them, and sucks on them as often as possible. He's sleeping through the night a few times a week, and pretty easy on the nights he does wake up to eat. We are starting to get into more of a routine during the day, and the predictability provides some new freedom too. Life is good.
I am so in love with him. Obviously I've loved him all along, and it's been a crazy strong love, but lately I've just been so crazy about him. He is so much fun to be around and we have this intense bond that stronger than ever. He knows I'm his mommy and it's the best feeling in the world. He smiles at me and it melts my heart. Will I ever get used to him smiling? Will there ever be a day that it doesn't make my heart skip a beat? If not, that's okay too. I could gush on and on and tell you how lucky I am, and how perfect he is, but that might get annoying. So I'll just say it one last time. I'm in love. =)
PS-He was extremely fussy all day today. I took him to the doc, fearing it was an ear infection, and luckily it wasn't. We aren't sure why he's been a little cranky lately, but the pedi upped his Zantac, since he could've possibly outgrown his previous dosage. Hopefully that will provide some relief...if that's what has been bothering him. He weighed 11 lbs, 12 oz.
I remember our pediatrician explaining to us when Drew was about a month old, that colic usually fades away by three months. Three months old...that seemed so far away at the time. I remember telling myself on those long nights "new year, new baby," clinging to the idea that his fussiness would be gone around the new year. And just like that, it has. Well, mostly. It was not an overnight change, so it kind of happened without us noticing. But then on January 8th, his 3-month birthday I suddenly realized that we don't have evenings with three hours of crying and screaming anymore, taking late-night drives, and taking turns. Of course he still has the occasional fussy-spell, like all babies do, but nothing like it was.
On top of less crying, he is SO FUN! He smiles, and even laughs!!! He coos and responds, and shows us new facial expressions daily. He grabs for toys and has found his fists. Oh, the fists. He loves them, and sucks on them as often as possible. He's sleeping through the night a few times a week, and pretty easy on the nights he does wake up to eat. We are starting to get into more of a routine during the day, and the predictability provides some new freedom too. Life is good.
I am so in love with him. Obviously I've loved him all along, and it's been a crazy strong love, but lately I've just been so crazy about him. He is so much fun to be around and we have this intense bond that stronger than ever. He knows I'm his mommy and it's the best feeling in the world. He smiles at me and it melts my heart. Will I ever get used to him smiling? Will there ever be a day that it doesn't make my heart skip a beat? If not, that's okay too. I could gush on and on and tell you how lucky I am, and how perfect he is, but that might get annoying. So I'll just say it one last time. I'm in love. =)
PS-He was extremely fussy all day today. I took him to the doc, fearing it was an ear infection, and luckily it wasn't. We aren't sure why he's been a little cranky lately, but the pedi upped his Zantac, since he could've possibly outgrown his previous dosage. Hopefully that will provide some relief...if that's what has been bothering him. He weighed 11 lbs, 12 oz.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
My Main Mommy Must-haves...
Okay, so there are several items that I love and think to myself several times a week, thank goodness for_____. These are my personal favorites, that I would not want to parent without....
1. Boppy
Zac has been using this for bottle feedings from the beginning, but I didn't start until a few weeks ago. I was missing out! It's so soft and helps support his weight, and saves my arms and back a little. :) He can also be propped up on it now.
2. Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag
This is my exact diaper bag. I love it! People compliment me on it wherever we go, but most importantly, it's designed really well! It has two straps and can be worn like a backpack, which is so clutch because it stays out of the way. On the rare occasion I wear the shoulder strap, it drives me crazy because it inevitably falls forward and just gets in the way. I love the pockets and fold out changing pad. It was pricey, but since I'm not carrying a purse these days, and don't dare leave home without my diaper bag, I am glad I sprung for this one! :)
3. Fisher Price Snuggabunny swing
4. Johnson & Johnson "Honey Apple" baby wash and body lotion
It...smells...AMAZING! There is nothing I love more than a freshly bathed and lotioned child, and this is my absolute favorite! It's a very light scent, but smells so so yummy. When Drew is thirty years old, this smell will still remind me of him! I also love the purple bottle, the bedtime one with "calming aromas," but the honey apple is the best!
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