Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Three weeks

Drew was three weeks old Monday! I can't believe that today is already day number 23 that I've known him! Time flies! Not too too much has changed in the last week, but here are a few updates:

SLEEP
He's been quite fussy and gassy. Poor guy! He went from making a dirty diaper every three hours to doing it only once or twice a day, and I think it's been a little painful and uncomfortable for him. He will be relaxing or falling asleep and then he'll start to squirm and kick his legs and fuss. His entire head turns red and his veins pop to the surface and he screams. An open mouth, tongue flexed scream. It's heartbreaking! I feel so bad for him! It's gotten a little bit better since we switched formula, so hopefully it will continue to improve. I did call the doctor and he said it's normal to go less often, and when his body gets used to it, he shouldn't be as uncomfortable. I hope that's sooner rather than later. He's still so sweet and cuddly though. It's impossible to be frustrated when he's crying, because we just feel so bad for him. Last night was the worst it's been yet. He started feeling bad around 8:30pm, and it didn't stop until almost 1am! We tried everything (and I do mean everything), but the one thing we couldn't do was relieve his tummy ache. When we were silently driving around the city at midnight, I felt like I was having one of those surreal movie moments. 'Zac and I are driving around our baby to get him to fall asleep...this is like in the movies.' Except when we got home he woke up and it started again. Bless his heart.
Thankfully we both got a long nap this morning. Poor Zac didn't, but I plan on encouraging him to nap as soon as he gets home around 4:30 this afternoon. I feel kind of bad about it, but the last several days have been so pleasant and smooth. I've napped with him in the morning, then fed him and he falls back to sleep again. So I eat lunch and clean bottles and whatnot, then get ready for some outings, and go run errands, all before he wakes up again. It's been really nice. I wish Zac got to enjoy more of the "easy" time, the evenings are always kind of rough. He makes the most of their time together though, and talks to him, reads to him, and they spend all sorts of quality time together. Yesterday they got a quick chest-to-chest nap in the recliner! :)
EATING
Drew is eating up to 4 ounces at a time now. He usually eats every 3 hours or so, but now that he is occasionally eating more, sometimes he goes longer in between feedings. Tuesday night he slept six hours without waking up. Zac was excited, but I almost had a heart attack. lol! As soon as I realized he was okay, I was fine. But for a sec I thought something had to be wrong for him to go that long without being hungry or waking up. :)
After lots and lots of deliberation and pain-staking decision making, I've decided to quit pumping. I was producing about one ounce (one measly ounce!) every 24 hours, (pumping for 15-20 minutes every 3 hours) and I didn't feel like it was worth it. If I could have been giving him more, I think I would have stuck with it longer, but to get one cumulative ounce (from both sides, from multiple pumpings), it hardly seemed logical to keep doing it. As I've said, I do not feel guilty about feeding him formula at all. I'm sad that true breastfeeding did not work out (he latches on, I hold him, we bond, no dishes, etc), but I am not sad that I'm not pumping anymore. Hard to bond with two pieces of plastic.I feel a little relieved to not be in nursing limbo anymore, although, as I said, what I'm sad about is not discontinuing pumping, but the ability to feed him directly, which never worked anyways, and still wouldn't have, no matter how long I pumped. In fact, we were using Avent bottles and had to get a different brand, because the nipples are too large and hard for him to suck out of. Little dude has a very clenched jaw (one reason nursing never worked), and was spilling more than he was swallowing. Plus those bottles made him so out of breath while he was eating, that I have to wonder if that's been part of the gas problem, because he was gasping/inhaling large amounts of air while eating. Who knows?
Let me finish by saying that he is still making the cutest faces. He is even smiling a whole lot more. It's precious! He's alert a lot more often and looks around and seems to really take things in. I could stare at him all day long. Oh wait...I do! :)

***Again, I know everyone has differing opinions on formula vs. breastmilk. I am just sharing my own thoughts on my personal blog. Thanks for being considerate! 

Friday, October 26, 2012

Let me count the ways...

How do I love thee? Too many ways to count, but here are a few of my favorite things about Drew that I love...

-how his soft fuzzy hair feels like the smoothest velvet. I love stroking it with my hand, but my favorite is when it's nuzzled up against my neck and chin. Bliss!

-how he squeaks. Drinking a bottle, stretching, just breathing...the boy squeaks. It's precious.

-his baby stretches. Whenever he wakes up, he makes a big production of stretching every time. It's priceless. My favorite is when both arms are exteded up high, yet his fists barely clear the top of his head. Zac calls this "touchdown." It's definitely worth a lot of points!

-his facial expressions. My number one favorite is probably when he purses his lips like he's making an O. Mom says it looks like he's whistling. Following closely behind is the eyes-closed-but-eyebrows-up-with-a-wrinkled-forehead look.

-his smell! I can't describe it, but it's heavenly. I don't want this baby smell to ever go away, and I get sad knowing it will.

-I laugh everytime we burp him and he releases the biggest man burp. How does such a big sound come from that tiny body? I heard Zac on the phone with one of his friends the other day and he said "my son belches like a thirty year old man!" I think he even had a little pride in his voice, LOL! I have told Drew that I won't always be this excited about him burping, and he should enjoy it while it lasts. :)

There is so much to love about this sweet little boy, but those are just a few of my personal favorites.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Drew at 2 Weeks

Drew is two weeks old now, and the time seems to be passing so quickly. He's already starting to fill out and change, so I wanted to blog about what he's like at 2 weeks, so I can remember forever.
He had his two-week check up on Monday and weighed 7lbs 6oz (25th percentile for weight) and was 19 and 3/8 inches long (10th percentile for height). His head circumference measured in the 50th percentile.The pediatrician called him "healthy and handsome," so of course that made me smile.
Sleep
He typically sleeps well at night. He usually wakes up around 1am and 4am to eat, but then goes back to sleep pretty easily. During the day he will stay awake after eating for up to an hour or two, just looking around, stretching, making funny faces, and almost always hiccuping. Somehow at night he knows to fall back to sleep after eating, which makes life a lot easier for me and Zac. I have been taking the first shift and Zac the second, and that seems to be working well for us. Actually, we both get up when he wakes up and one person changes his diaper while the other fixes the bottle. Once the person who is staying up is settled in and feeding him, the other goes to bed. Works great.
Eating
He eats 3 ounces about every three hours. Obviously there are times he goes longer or shorter, but for the most part he's pretty routine about his eating schedule.He is getting mostly formula, but I'm pumping every 3-4 hours during the day and supplementing with that breastmilk too. I'm not producing much, but hoping that if I continue pumping I will build or at least maintain the supply I do have. Being so sick in the hospital kind of messed up my nursing plans (and the fact he can't latch on), but I'm going to try to pump at least for another month pr so, then I'll reevaluate if I want to go longer. I know any breast milk is better than none, but with the amount I produce and all the time pumping and getting ready to pump, then washing the equipment from pumping, it hardly seems worth it. I know it IS worth it, which is why I continue to do it, but I wish so so badly he could just latch on and we could enjoy the "easy and convenient" side of nursing...without pumping! I have so much respect for people who exclusively pump for an entire year! Luckily, I don't feel bad about giving him formula at all, and in a way its actually comforting because I know EXACTLY what he's getting and don't have to worry about him not tolerating a certain food I ate or caffeine, etc.
***I know everyone has different opinions on formula vs. breastmilk, and I'm not asking for yours, :) Just sharing my own thoughts on my personal blog. Thanks for being considerate!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Weight

Okay, so enough beating around the bush. I plan on losing lots of weight, so might as well blog about it, and be completely honest and open. Like I've said in my weekly posts, I started my pregnancy weighing about 20 pounds more than my "goal weight." So when you add the 40+ pounds I gained during the pregnancy to that, I have over 60 pounds to lose to get to my goal.

10/08--When I was weighed at the hospital on Drew's birthday, I weighed (get ready for it...wait, are you ready?...okay, don't judge...) 194 pounds!!! No, I'm not joking. I was six pounds away from breaking 200! Zac was rooting for it to happen. LOL! He'd say "how cool would it be if you were 200 pounds?!" Boys are weird.

10/15--On the day I came home from the hospital, I saw the scale in the bathroom and thought "oh I wonder what I weigh!?" I thought I'd probably lost about 30 pounds, between the birth and being so so sick. (I threw up insane amounts for several days in a row in the hospital!) So naturally I was a little disappointed when I stepped on the scale and had only lost 20 pounds. Oh well, it's a start. And losing 20 pounds in one week will probably never happen again in my life, so I should be grateful, right? current weight: 174 pounds

10/22--The following Monday I weighed again and I was down another five pounds. So I've lost 25 pounds in the two weeks since Drew arrived. I hope the pounds continue to come off easily (I'm not trying yet, they're just falling off) for a while longer, and I don't get to the "stubborn" pounds until I'm much closer to my goal weight! :) I am feeling much better these days and the weather is pretty nice (actually it's still a bit hot for my taste!) so I plan to start walking soon. That should help with the weight loss, and Drew seems to really like going for walks, so win/win. Weight: 169 pounds

Okay, more to come on this issue in the future. Hopefully I will keep having positive news and dropping numbers! :)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

So much to say...

It's been almost two weeks since I've posted on the blog, and I can easily say its been THE most eventful two weeks of my life. I have so much to write and say and document, but I have a seven pound cutie who is way more fun to occupy my time. Maybe if I break the ice with this post it'll get my writing juices flowing again. Here are some of the posts I hope to share soon:
-Drew's BIRTH day
-my time in the hospital
-coming home
-about Drew
-our network of love and support

Hope to be typing and hitting that"publish" button soon. Until then, I have some little blue eyes to stare into...

Monday, October 8, 2012

Night before thoughts...

What did I think about the night before I became a mom? A lot. My thoughts have been all over the place. Here are the main ideas though...

The entire pregnancy- From the moment I found out, to the first doctor appointments, to finding out the gender, and so on. It was an unintentional little brain timeline, like a scene from a movie, playing all the key parts for me.

Molly, my first child- This made me tear up. Her life is about to change so much. I know I will still love her just as much, but I fear she will feel less loved. I think her age and recent health issues also make it harder, because I worry what this big change will do to her. So I cuddled her extra tight and smiled as she sighed her big "good night world" sigh.

Becoming a mother- I've wanted this forever, I KNOW I'm prepared, yet suddenly I felt young and inexperienced and it's like "Really? Me? I'm the one who'll be in charge of this tiny little life?" What an abundant task. I hope it do okay.

Lots and lots of prayer- this also made me cry. I'm so thankful for all the gifts He has blessed us with. I praised Him for our miracle, and thanked Him for a healthy pregnancy. I asked Him to watch over me and Drew tomorrow, and to be with Drew forever and always. I asked Him to help me be the kind of mommy Drew needs, and to honor Him in the choices we make as parents. (Sidenote- Pregnancy has made me feel so very close to God. How can it not?...There is a miracle growing inside of you! It's one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced, and I constantly felt so blessed to be chosen and trusted to be the mother to this little soul.)

The baby- I wondered what he will look like and how he will be. Will he like being held up and down or sideways? Will he be a good eater? I can't wait to learn everything about him and know him so intimately, as only a parent can.

It's 4am...I still have time to (try to) get a few hours sleep. i just finished a banana and some graham crackers, and now I'm passed my cutoff for food. Time is ticking, and I couldn't be more tickled. Now, back to bed and back to my thoughts, or hopefully some restful heavy ZZZZZZZ's.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

I'm 39 weeks pregnant!!!

I made it! 39 weeks! Less than 48 hours until we get to meet my sweet baby! I constantly wonder what he will look like. So exciting! :)

How far along? 39 weeks!
Total weight gain: 38 pounds!
Maternity clothes? yep! But to be honest, most of my maternity stuff doesn't even fit at this point, or it's not comfortable. So I keep repeating the same few outfits. :)
Stretch marks? definitely...
Sleep? What's that? Just kidding! I'm sleeping okay, but the muscles around my ribs hurt a lot (front and back), I guess because they're having to stretch. He's way up high. Very weird when he kicks the insides of my ribs! The past few nights I've also been thinking a lot about what he will be like. :)
Best moment this week? Zac and I had a wonderful day today. :)
Movement? Yes, and my whole belly gets deformed and it's very alien-ish.
Food cravings? popcorn, hot drinks (decaf coffee, hot chocolate), watermelon gum
Anything making you queasy or sick? no
Labor Signs: the strongest Braxton-Hicks contractions I could ever imagine, but not real labor contractions or anything
Symptoms: oh gosh...ability to sleep, constantly going potty, reflux, sore back muscles, ribs hurt, puffy feet and hands...you know, just the usual :)
Wedding rings on or off? Off
Happy or Moody most of the time? So indescribably happy! It's surreal! I'm about to be face to face with the little soul that will forever change mine! Swoon!!!
Looking forward to: DREW! But more immediately, I'm looking forward to my family arriving tomorrow!!! Then it will REALLY be real! :) I have a nursery to-do list for my Papa, then I'll blog and post pics of the finished nursery. We are going to go out tomorrow night for a celebratory dinner at a local Italian joint! I'm going to eat a lot, because A) it's my last meal as a pregnant woman, so shouldn't I go out with a bang? and B) I won't get to eat again until after Drew's here, and then it's just a liquid diet until Tuesday.

Today was a good day.

Random, unedited, and choppy; but it serves the purpose...

Got out of bed
Breakfast at Joe's Family Diner in Mansfield
Home, naps and a movie
Fixed pasta for lunch
Made pumpkin muffins. Yum!
Did a few things around the house and finished some laundry.
Showered and got ready for the cold weather and McMurry football game. This took a very long time because I do not have any clothes that fit that are appropriate for 50degree temps. Also, turns out I haven't put on real shoes (other than flip flops) in a very long time, and my feet don't fit in any of my warm shoes. Also, I can't reach my feet, so poor Zac had to put my socks on for me, as well as help me try on like 5 different pairs of shoes. I finally found some fake uggs in the back of my closet that fit. Hooray!
We got to the game as it started at 4, and left at the start of the second half because it was getting too chilly. (and that was under 2 shirts, a jacket, and three blankets!)
On the way home we stopped for dinner at Cotton Patch Yes, as a matter of fact, we are old souls. But in chilly weather, you just can't beat the joy of comfort food!
When we got home, we watched the UT game, and I made some decaf coffee (with lots of milk and some peppermint mocha cream) and ate some candy corn and a pumpkin muffin. Nice end to a wonderful day. :)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

38 Weeks

How far along? 38 weeks!
Total weight gain: 38 pound...I weighed the same today as I did last Tuesday.
Maternity clothes? yep! trying to wear some of my favorites this last week
Stretch marks? definitely...
Sleep? Pretty rough, but I guess I have finally (in my last week of pregnancy) accepted that laying down is uncomfortable, and I'm not quite as hostile when I can't sleep as I used to be. Or maybe I'm just getting used to it? Preparation for baby?
Best moment this week? Spending time with my mom was awesome! I also liked having a rainy-impromptu-date night on Saturday with Zac.
Movement? Yes, and it's so visible to Zac and anyone in the same room as me! Kind of alien-like.
Food cravings? I recently realized that I've eaten A LOT of Schlotzsky's this past month or two. Yum! I go back and forth between the turkey breast sandwich and the chicken pesto pizza. They also have the best chocolate chip cookies! I'm still eating crazy amounts of strawberries! I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't come out pink. Oh wait...he probably WILL come out pink! LOL! And it will have nothing to do with how many strawberries I ate.
Anything making you queasy or sick? not really.
Labor Signs: Not really. I've been trying to be active and healthy and upbeat. Dr. H "checked" me today at my visit, and the cervix is still all the way closed, although he said it has softened. I think I might have gone past 40 weeks, if it weren't for the c-section! That's a crazy thought!
Symptoms: Yes...the usual swollen feet, shortness or breath, needing to potty all the time, etc...
Wedding rings on or off? Off
Happy or Moody most of the time?  Happy! Although I've been a little emotional lately. (just ask Zac!) I'm putting pressure on myself to have the "perfect last week of pregnancy" and balance social time with couple time, relaxation with productivity, etc. It's bonkers to think that our lives are about to change FOREVER. I'm so excited to meet my little man. I'm not nervous about the actual c-section or recovery from that, but I do worry about a few things like "what if something is wrong with him, health wise?...what if breastfeeding makes me miserable?...what if Molly doesn't like him, or what if her health regresses after we bring him home?...etc"
Looking forward to: DUH!!! The big day! I can't wait for Monday, October 8th! My little Columbus Day son will be here and I'll hold him and cry and smile and feel like my heart is going to burst out of my body!!! Is it really just FIVE days away???