wacky worries

A friend suggested that I write down all of the crazy thoughts and worries I have, for I might never have them again. (hopefully!) I feel like some of them are typical "expectant mom" worries or fears, but some are just ridiculous, and I can laugh about some of them when I'm not in the middle of stressing about them. :) So here are my deepest darkest thoughts....

-I don't want things to change for Molly. Sometimes I get really sad that she's not going to be an only child anymore. I don't want her to be sad, or feel slighted, or have any negative feelings whatsoever. I'm her mom...it's my job to protect her from ever hurting, and now we are the ones doing it to her. She's been an only child for almost ten years (can you believe she'll be ten in December?) and it's going to be strange for her to have to share our attention. I'm sure she will adjust fine, and I know she is amazing with kids. I guess I just feel guilty that we are rocking her world so incredibly. I love that little dog with everything in me, and I'd be a wreck if we broke her sweet loving heart.

-I want to be in control. (I know! That's shocking, right!?) The glorious thing about a c-section is getting to know exactly when I will have him and be completely prepared, but I still feel like I could be surprised and go into labor unprepared, and ohmygosh what if there is dirty laundry at my house? I don't want to come home from the hospital to that. I realize I need to release this "the house must be perfect and spotless when we leave for the hospital" dream, because even if we go the planned cesarean route, I'm sure the house will not ever be spotless and ready for baby.

-How much do we carry in to the hospital when we walk in? Do we leave stuff in the car and then go back and get it when I get my own room? (I planned on asking this at c-section class on Monday, so I could check it off the "I wonder..." list, but I forgot. I'll ask my doctor.)

-The ride home from Dallas is going to be so uncomfortable! When I was in high school and had abdominal surgery, the five minute ride home from the hospital is one of my worst memories. I felt like I was going to open up and spill my insides all over the car. Gross, sorry, but it's a very vivid memory I have. I'm pretty sure I made my mom drive ten miles an hour, and I still felt like I was on a roller coaster! I'm already dreading the 30 minute drive home with my fresh incision.

-Where is everything going to go? Our house feels like it is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.With all of this baby stuff (which I love) I feel like there's not room for my stuff. It was also hard that we converted "MY pink room" which had the most amount of crafts and keepsakes and memories, (and okay, junk), so a lot of that had to go, or move elsewhere. There's only so much storage in a home, and when you empty the room that's used as storage, all of a sudden you have to find new places (closets, other bedrooms, garage, etc) for all that stuff.

-What if something goes wrong with the camera and we don't get any pictures in the operating room? What if Zac passes out in the operating room? What if I get super anxious (not like that's out of character for me lately) and they have to put me completely under during the c-section? What if I forget the baby book at home and don't get those precious first footprints in there? (I know I could technically do them at home, but the professionals are the best, and for some reason, it's important to me that they do the baby book hand and footprints.) What if, what if, what if...that's my brain lately.